Why is everyone just so critical ? Second chances and letting relationships just evolve.

How quickly do you label a colleague, direct report, peer or boss an idiot?   After one or two stuff ups, poorly chosen words or a funny facial expression?

I remember a mentor of mine once saying: “Why are aussies SO critical all the time?”

It seems like any minor problem will be taken as sufficient reason to write someone off entirely.

The most rewarding relationships are those that we invest in, when we truly get to know someone under a lot of different conditions.

In 2017, I discovered how rewarding seeing past someone’s reputation was and taking the time to develop a strong relationship could be.  But it took TIME and openness from both sides.  It meant having open conversations about things that bothered me and it meant me being open to things that bothered him.  It was worth the effort.

Is there someone you have written off?

What would happen if you tried again to build a positive relationship?

What are you missing out on by being closed off to this person?

What are the differences between boundaries and letting relationships grow organically?

Are we just too critical?

 

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Chose your own fairytale

Is this rebellious?

The future?

The now?  

I have an explosion of thoughts when I read this:

  • Why does this statement feel revolutionary in 2018?
  • Why do women need to be saved and men be our saviours?
  • Could this line ever read: “And the princess and prince lived happily ever after in their own big castle with all their own money and they took care of themselves and each other. The end.”
  • Is women’s happiness a story of being saved by a man vs saved by herself?
  • How does a man support a women who is 100% independent?
  • What if a princess wants another princess to move in with her?

I love these quotes, they are gung-ho and make me think big. They also seem to sit very much in the same story – prioritising material wealth with no mention of romantic, emotional or spiritual abundance.  Yes, we need a roof over our heads but we also need SO MUCH MORE!

Yes, we need independence but I for one want lots of love, romance and a partner in my life.

Are love and independence mutually exclusive (I hope not)?

Does a feminist re-make of fairytales exclude love?

If you could write your own fairytale in one or two sentences, what would your happily ever after story be?

My version:

And the successful business women, lived happily ever after, in her own lavish townhouse, travelled everywhere lots, loved and was loved lots, felt like she belonged all the time, had her own cleaner, and shared all her favourite stories with a gorgeous independent man who loved her just as she was, and she took care of herself and all her abundance (money, spirituality, health) and always wore fabulous clothes and red nail polish…. and just really had a great time always! The end! 🙂

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Diplomacy 101

Respect confidences given freely.

Some of my biggest life lessons happened early particularly in regard to being diplomatic.  These lessons have always helped me especially in corporate roles. I originally shared this via Facebook and am sharing here with you just in case you missed it.

What lessons did you learn early and still apply today?

What happened?

When I was young (less than 10 I think), Mum told me how she had to give up studying at high-school at the end of Year 10 and shift to secretarial studies because she was a girl. Her brother was allowed to finish and become an engineer. I remember being MAD! Really MAD!

Shortly after, I remember walking beside my Poppa (Mum’s Dad). We were walking next to Frankston Tafe, opposite the train station. I remember it being a hot summers day. I seem to remember holding my Poppa’s hand, peering up with the sun in my eyes and saying ‘Poppa, why didn’t you let Mummy finish high-school?’


Afterwards (not sure how long afterwards), I remember Mum telling me never to repeat anything she told me to Poppa or too anyone else again. Mum was MAD, really MAD!

How did I feel?

Ashamed that I had embrassed my Mum and caused trouble.

Outraged that the issue was me speaking up, not the issue I perceived to be the ‘real issue’.

Taken aback, I thought I was helping.

What did I learn?

Don’t raise an objection on someone else’s behalf unless you have their permission.

Understand what is confidential and personal vs public knowledge.
Respect confidences given freely.

Epilogue : my Mum went back to school while I was in high school and completed a Bachelor of Arts and a Masters in Feminism studies and returned to the paid workforce until retirement.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

What lessons did you learn early and still apply today?

 

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Beatrice’s Equality Day Dreams #5 – Making an important career decision is so easy

Can I be honest with you? I’m beginning to think my day dreams maybe a bit cynical.  When I read over this day dream that I wrote 5 months ago, it was part of a list of things I wish the workplace was vs wasn’t.

It shouldn’t be a dream that we are supported and progression is easy if we are ambitious and competent.  While writing my book and starting my life coaching business, every woman I have spoken to has talked about the challenge of finding out information on how to progress.

At work, a colleague came up to me (after reading my blog) and admitted she didn’t know that she was supposed to ask.  She has recently started working in Australia and asking wasn’t the custom in her previous country and in fact it might even have been deemed rude to ask.  People progressed once they met a benchmark and their manager would ask if they wanted to go up a level or take on a new role.

If you’re a manager, how transparent is it to your team how they progress? Are you over looking someone because they haven’t told you what they are interested in?  And, are you being overlooked because you are not asking?

One more story, recently a senior manager let me know that a role was available in his team and talked me through a series of names and I gave my thoughts.   I added an extra name to the list and we both agreed she’d be great for the role if she was interested.  In my gut, I thought she probably wasn’t.   Later, I asked her if she would be and let her know the role was available.  She surprised me by saying she was interested. So I said, “call him NOW and let him know NOW”.  She waited 5 days to speak to him (after another prompt from myself) and she missed out on the role.   The senior manager made a decision in 3 days.

If you hear of a role and you are interested, let the hiring manager know  straight away.  Don’t hesitate or let other work get in the way.

Just ask.

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My top tip for sticking to your truth and pursuing your dreams

Unravelling shoulds and focusing on want has been a challenge I have set myself over the last 18 months. It’s been a really amazing journey and has led me to write a book and become a life coach while also increasing my satisfaction at work.

It’s also been painful because I say NO to a lot of things and sometimes other people don’t get it (the focus, the drive, the saying “NO”.)

When you have followed your dream, what has happened for you?

What is your number one tip to staying in your truth?

My own top tip is be really clear on your WHY. It really takes the pressure off an uncomfortable situation when I know this is where I need to be right now to get to where I am going. Knowing my why – helping women progress (personally, professionally and in society as a whole) helps keep me going when I have to decline another social invitation so I can work on my business, study or write a blog post. It keeps me centred.

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How to be heard in every meeting

Today’s blog post is about how to be heard in meetings and this follows on from some of the work I’ve been posting on social media around getting your voice heard more often and easily in meetings.

Watch my latest FB live to hear more.

Grab the guide to be heard more today.

This work is part of a series I am putting together of helpful guides to help you be more confident at work and is part of work I am doing to set up my coaching business.  I help women to be seen living their true purpose so that they can radiantly embrace a lavish life. I truly believe that we all deserve to live a powerfully meaningful life.

Now on to my top tips to start getting your voice heard today.

Preparation = Credibility

My top tip to be heard more in meetings is to PREPARE.

Prepare three to five points that you want to speak to.  You can be confident going into any meeting with  credible comments to make knowing you have prepared some ideas around those comments before the meeting.

Meet the Chair before the meeting = Interest

Talk to the chair of the meeting prior to the meeting and let them know that you are really wanting to contribute to the meeting and you’ve got some points to talk about

Tip : ask them to call on you during the meeting if you haven’t spoken up.

Take in Post-Its

Take in your talking points on post-its  so it’s really clear that you’re prepared. Everyone will be looking at you going okay, she’s got the post-its so she knows what she’s talking about.  She’s prepared!  (Yes, this has happened to me. Slightly to my horror as I had only prepped those notes exactly 10 minutes before the meeting but suddenly my post its made me the expert that kept getting asked to contribute, quite possibly more than I was even hoping too.  It might sound a bit silly but its a simple strategy to get people’s attention and show you care.)

Eye contact = engagement

Make sure you’re making regular eye contact with the people who are speaking and the chair so that when you want to speak you can be like hi, this is now my time to talk. This also makes you look really engaged.

If you look interested, engaged and credible, you’ll be called on and if you’re trying to get into the conversation you’re more likely to be listened to and asked for your opinion.

Offer Support

The other way to contribute is to offer support for someone else’s idea, ask a follow up question or offer a solution for a problem. You can do this by asking a question that prompts discussion of that solution or simply providing a suggestion.

Follow Through

If you keep following these steps in every key meeting that you’re in and you do these regularly every day for four weeks, people will be asking you to contribute. They’ll be putting your ideas and name on the agenda and they’ll be asking your opinion leading into the meeting and during the meeting.

You have to be persistent and you have to be consistent.

Now, would you like to be seen living your true purpose? YES?

Then, set up  a complimentary consult with me to work through your next steps.

I am  passionate about about helping women to be seen living their true purpose and who want to radiantly embrace their life, find more meaning, purpose and growth in their career.  My strengths as a coach are empathy, warmth, belief in you and what you want to achieve and unwavering confidence that what you want is the right thing for you.  I absolutely hope to share and bring these out in you too.

I have a foundational offer running for :

(1) 6 * 1 hour session coaching series for $480

or

(2) 12 * 1 hour session coaching series for $960

Want more info on what a series involves? Below is a framework I follow to ensure your goal is met by the end of the series.

  • Session 1 :  Create an inspiring goal for you and set some key actions to understand where you are at now with that goal
  • Session 2 :  Making the goal real, setting intention and actions to achieve your goal in 6 or 12 sessions
  • Session 3-4 (or 11) : Structure support, appreciation, celebration.  Each fortnight set new actions to take, review your progress so far, take steps to keep on track, appreciate the journey and plan you big Goal achieved celebration.
  • Session 6 or 12: Celebration time!  Review your achievements, celebration what you’ve done and take learnings to help with the next chapter in your story.

Between each session you will complete homework as part of your actions and I will be available the whole way to support, provide feedback and help you achieve that big goal.

Want to start a coaching series? Book a complimentary consult now. 

Want to find out more about coaching, read more here.

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Visibility is the key to career progression

Ever found yourself getting these kind of comments in a performance review:

  • ‘They’ don’t know who you are
  • No one has heard of you, so I couldn’t get you that bonus / promotion ?
  • What do you do exactly?
  • Maybe I should sit with you, to see why you are SO busy?
  • I just don’t get what you do?

Visibility is the key to career progression. 

What is it that the ‘people with power’ don’t know about you?

How are you making yourself and your work visible?

This isn’t about a name tag.

This is about your work being known.

Here are 9 tips to help you be MORE visible:

  1. Identify the people that you want to know who you are and what you do
  2. Find a way to increase the face time you regularly have with these people. You could work on a project of theirs, attend social events that they attend, grab a moment to talk to them, attend a talk or workshop they are running, find opportunities to be seen and heard
  3. Circle back – after receiving advice, come back to that person and let them know how using their the advice went and what it meant for you and your work
  4. Status reports – be the one to send out the regular status report, so your name and key information is always popping into the right inboxes (delegate the formatting, the collation but not the high vis opportunity)
  5. Run a workshop, seminar, talk series or other event. You don’t have to be the one talking, just be the one organising (and the name popping up in the inbox, the person visibly asking for interest and ideas).
  6. Organise a charity event, help out with organising an off-site (of course only do this for events that you are genuinely interested in.)
  7. Use random down time, to your advantage – nothing says ambitious like swinging by a senior managers desk when you’re computer is ‘getting repaired’ than ‘hey, I’ve got half an hour spare is there anything I can do for you that doesn’t involve a computer – photocopying, grabbing them a coffee or lunch, chasing up something with someone on another floor.)   You don’t want to be seen as an admin clerk or dog’s body so don’t get into the habit of routine tasks. Make sure each time you up level the task but also have humility when the boss really does need a coffee (tip : they will always be grateful if you remember the order).
  8. Put your hand up for extra projects
  9. Celebrate successes as visibly as possible.

Too Busy?

Find a way to delegate non-essential work to your direct reports and 2IC.

No one to delegate to?

Find time and the budget to increase the size of your team.

No budget for increasing your team?

Then its time to get some budget and show off your negotiating and influencing skills.

Alternatively, look over your workload and really assess what is core and non-core aspects of your role.  Opening up just an hour a week for networking and increasing your visibility will make a big difference.

Is there a non-essential task that can be dropped or completed less often?

Its time to go after what you want and to stop ‘making do with what you’ve got’. 

Now, I’d love to here from you.

How would being more visible improve your career opportunities?

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Can you fail safely?

"No one misses out and talent never goes unnoticed"
“No one misses out and talent never goes unnoticed”

 

“No one is critical and everyone is super supportive.

There is an open forum where you can present a big idea, win or improvement.

We get trained in how to present and if you don’t want to present live, then you film it as a webinar for anyone to watch.

No one misses out and talent never goes unnoticed.”

What would happen if you could fail safely and trial & error were encouraged?  

What would happen if every talented person and achievement was visible to decision makers?

Would this make a difference to you, your workplace, leadership style or company culture?

 

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“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

When things are difficult, I often find it is because I am heading in the wrong direction.

Maybe I am pushing too hard to make a relationship something more than it can be, maybe my expectations are not realistic for the work I have asked to be performed, maybe I just thought one way of doing things was better than another and I was wrong.

Being able to pivot, change course and accept that there are better paths available to us, can make us into a better boss, friend, colleague, partner and neighbour.

What have you needed to pivot on lately to find a better path?
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